Fear My Pen of Correction

I am a writer and editor, but mostly an editor--and a bad-ass one, too.  (Yes, I said "ass."  I'm allowed to.  Because I edit.)  I have yet to meet a sentence that has survived my red pen of correction.  I eat object pronouns for lunch.  I decimate subject pronouns.  I spit in the face of dangling modifiers.

I will &%* your sentence up!

Okay, so maybe that paragraph was a little harsh and is probably the reason why I have such a reputation.  So I won't &%* your sentence up, but I may just whisper in its ear in an attempt to inveigle it to present itself a little better.  After all, first impressions are lasting ones.  Your writing simply has to be the prettiest thing walking around.  I mean, it's a reflection of you.

Welcome to the purpose of this blog then.  I want to help people write better by helping them with their English skills.  For most people, writing is not fun, but it's necessary.  They hear so many conflicting stories of what you should and shouldn't write.  They feel the urge to regurgitate when they have to write a homograph.  And they wonder whether it's okay to start their sentences with FANBOYS.  (No, those aren't the dudes you see at the local gay-pride parade, thank you so much!)  It can all be so dang confusing!  But it doesn't have to be.

With my threats assistance, you will be more comfortable writing that office memo (administrative assistants, run in fear!) or turning in that research paper to your gangsta English professor.  But we have to be real here:  Not everyone is a writer, and not everyone will write with one hand tied behind her back.  I'm good, but I'm no Miracle Worker.  So, again, the goal is to help you become more comfortable with writing, because something tells me that breaking out in a cold sweat and chanting the book of Deuteronomy in reverse won't really help you.

So don't pay attention to the title of this article.  You don't really have to fear my mighty pen of correction.  Just relax.  We'll get through this this language thing together, and you'll probably laugh just a little along the way.

Caveat:  I am not perfect.  (I know!  I was shocked when I found out, too!)  So if you find a grammar error in any of my articles, you can send corrections to biteme@irejectyourhateration.com.